Page: 1
Ok guys, i dumped the sun god idea..so i made another short story. I think this is much way more better than the former
Please read coz i really need your comments and suggestions
@Cal: im sorry, i cant think of any name ^ ^
A Beautiful Life
By: Israel
When I was born in this world, I never saw my mother or my father. I never heard the beautiful voice of my siblings but instead noises of agony and pain that seems to be coming directly from hell. I never experience running and playing with my fellow chickens on a green safe field but instead they imprison us in this crowded filthy cages, sometimes we even sleep with poops around us.
“There are rumors that say humans slice off our beak with a hot blade, cut off our necks and slit our throats until we die. Those male chicks that cant lay eggs are thrown in a mechanical grinder while still alive, and their meat made into feed that are being fed back to other animals in this farm factory.” My friend said.
Her name is Cal, a fat hen with beautiful white feathers, I idolize her so much because she could lay eggs twice as more as me. The truth is, everyone wants to be like her, wishing that they can lay more eggs like Cal does, since I am living in a farm factory, useless animals are thrown away somewhere dreadful like those newly born male chicks.
Cal also added, “ see those 2 months old fat chickens, wonder why they don’t lay eggs?” pointing her beak towards a cage in front of us with a sign board that has scribbles on it –FOR SLAUGHTERING-.
“Poor fellows, they cant even see their own first birthday.” A hen behind me yelled.
“Shhh…don’t let them hear you.” Cal said
Suddenly the not well-lit room became clear like there were angels descending down from heaven. I closed my eyes due to the blinding light.
I hear the big heavy rusty door opened, and scream break through.
“ HELP US!! HELP US!!! PLEASE SPARE OUR LIVES!!!”
“ Cows, young cows.” Cal said
I asked Cal, “ Where are they taking them?” and she replied. “ See that door over there?” I nodded. “Behind that door is a slaughter house for cattle.”
And I heard silence as if somebody died in our cage. Except for the screams of pain and suffering coming from those cows. As the cows were walking towards the door, one of them with cut out horn and testicles stared at me with tears falling from him eyes and said.
“ They cut off my horns and my testicles, see this burn mark on my left cheek?” I nodded. “ They pressed a hot rod on it and left a third-degree burn.”
I bow down my head in order to avoid his stare. Then he shouted at me as he was walking through the door. “They never gave us pain killers!!!” and I closed my eyes and I didn’t notice I was shedding tears.
Cal started to talk as if she was a teacher in a classroom lecturing innocent school children. “ After birth, male calves are torn from their mothers and shipped to veal farms, where they spent their lives on short chains in filthy, narrow stalls. They’re unable to move around and fed nutrient-deficient food so that their meat would be pale and soft when served.”
Then suddenly, a human being walked directly in front of our cage holding something. “It is a signboard Cal!” thank God, I thought they are going kill us. “ But wait! There’s a scribble on it,” - FOR SLAUGHTERING-
“It cant be” Cal said.
With out any notice, they grabbed our necks and brought us to this room with blood scattered on the walls and floor. I could also see headless chickens hanging on the walls…
“ This cant be! I am able to lay eggs, this is wrong!” Cal screamed as if she thinks that the human could understand her. Cal was being held on the right hand and I was on the left. They lay us on this big wooden board. I looked at Cal as she held my right wing.
“Goodbye sister, its sure is a beautiful life” she said
Her neck was being slit in front of me and a gush of blood squirted, I could even see the wooden board slowly turning to red as if it was soaked on a red paint. I looked at Cal while praying, she was grasping for her breath, breathing hard as if trying to fight for her life through breathing hard, but every time she inhales, blood squirts out of her neck…. Slowly Cal is loosing her life.
I cried for my friend, and unexpectedly, a big chopping knife sliced her head off. I could see her head fell off the floor with tears on her body less head.
“And now it’s my turn………”
xxxENDxxxx
Please read coz i really need your comments and suggestions
@Cal: im sorry, i cant think of any name ^ ^
A Beautiful Life
By: Israel
When I was born in this world, I never saw my mother or my father. I never heard the beautiful voice of my siblings but instead noises of agony and pain that seems to be coming directly from hell. I never experience running and playing with my fellow chickens on a green safe field but instead they imprison us in this crowded filthy cages, sometimes we even sleep with poops around us.
“There are rumors that say humans slice off our beak with a hot blade, cut off our necks and slit our throats until we die. Those male chicks that cant lay eggs are thrown in a mechanical grinder while still alive, and their meat made into feed that are being fed back to other animals in this farm factory.” My friend said.
Her name is Cal, a fat hen with beautiful white feathers, I idolize her so much because she could lay eggs twice as more as me. The truth is, everyone wants to be like her, wishing that they can lay more eggs like Cal does, since I am living in a farm factory, useless animals are thrown away somewhere dreadful like those newly born male chicks.
Cal also added, “ see those 2 months old fat chickens, wonder why they don’t lay eggs?” pointing her beak towards a cage in front of us with a sign board that has scribbles on it –FOR SLAUGHTERING-.
“Poor fellows, they cant even see their own first birthday.” A hen behind me yelled.
“Shhh…don’t let them hear you.” Cal said
Suddenly the not well-lit room became clear like there were angels descending down from heaven. I closed my eyes due to the blinding light.
I hear the big heavy rusty door opened, and scream break through.
“ HELP US!! HELP US!!! PLEASE SPARE OUR LIVES!!!”
“ Cows, young cows.” Cal said
I asked Cal, “ Where are they taking them?” and she replied. “ See that door over there?” I nodded. “Behind that door is a slaughter house for cattle.”
And I heard silence as if somebody died in our cage. Except for the screams of pain and suffering coming from those cows. As the cows were walking towards the door, one of them with cut out horn and testicles stared at me with tears falling from him eyes and said.
“ They cut off my horns and my testicles, see this burn mark on my left cheek?” I nodded. “ They pressed a hot rod on it and left a third-degree burn.”
I bow down my head in order to avoid his stare. Then he shouted at me as he was walking through the door. “They never gave us pain killers!!!” and I closed my eyes and I didn’t notice I was shedding tears.
Cal started to talk as if she was a teacher in a classroom lecturing innocent school children. “ After birth, male calves are torn from their mothers and shipped to veal farms, where they spent their lives on short chains in filthy, narrow stalls. They’re unable to move around and fed nutrient-deficient food so that their meat would be pale and soft when served.”
Then suddenly, a human being walked directly in front of our cage holding something. “It is a signboard Cal!” thank God, I thought they are going kill us. “ But wait! There’s a scribble on it,” - FOR SLAUGHTERING-
“It cant be” Cal said.
With out any notice, they grabbed our necks and brought us to this room with blood scattered on the walls and floor. I could also see headless chickens hanging on the walls…
“ This cant be! I am able to lay eggs, this is wrong!” Cal screamed as if she thinks that the human could understand her. Cal was being held on the right hand and I was on the left. They lay us on this big wooden board. I looked at Cal as she held my right wing.
“Goodbye sister, its sure is a beautiful life” she said
Her neck was being slit in front of me and a gush of blood squirted, I could even see the wooden board slowly turning to red as if it was soaked on a red paint. I looked at Cal while praying, she was grasping for her breath, breathing hard as if trying to fight for her life through breathing hard, but every time she inhales, blood squirts out of her neck…. Slowly Cal is loosing her life.
I cried for my friend, and unexpectedly, a big chopping knife sliced her head off. I could see her head fell off the floor with tears on her body less head.
“And now it’s my turn………”
xxxENDxxxx
Normal is synonymous to boring
Dynewind said:
that would be coollol, no one would read it, if ill make a book about farm animals..
i just want to know if theres some grammer error coz as u can se im not really good when it comes to gammer.
btw, when i was writing this one....i felt like i was a chicken.
Normal is synonymous to boring
Lucky you... when I read I delve into the character I'm reading about (Especially first person referenced book)
so yeah in my mind I died for a split second as a chicken before I could go back top IRL
so yeah in my mind I died for a split second as a chicken before I could go back top IRL
was it good? i mean, after i read it twice...i cant help it. the part kinda makes me laugh when the cow was shouting " they never gave us pain killers".
should i replace it? and do i need to remove repeated words I still dont have any idea. Im just a newbie in story writing, honestly speaking. this short story would be my 1st one.
should i replace it? and do i need to remove repeated words
I still dont have any idea. Im just a newbie in story writing, honestly speaking. this short story would be my 1st one.Normal is synonymous to boring
i cant help you with grammar... for i am bad with english... as u guys know... lol
but you can put more power into it...
like... "since the first time i opened my eyes. ..." be DRAMATIC
LOL
but you can put more power into it...
like... "since the first time i opened my eyes. ..." be DRAMATIC
LOL
I'm bad at appraising literary works let's just wait for someone good at it
how bout those westerners here. i hope theyll help me out
Normal is synonymous to boring
Izzy... can I ask a question?
You were a former KFC employee, weren't you?
iRO Chaos Characters:
IdyotAko - 99/67 Lord Knight.............................Aima Lichu - 75/45 Sage
Aeag Sedah - 73/39 High Wizard................................Aima Taikdat - 81/50 Gank Rogue
Vendi Productus - 95/44 Forge Blacksmith.............Aima Bardu - 57/26 MS Bard
I_R_teh_1337!!! - 90/46 FS Priest.......................Aima Whupyah - 61/46 Battle Acolyte (Monk)
mAnUnUmPiT - 73/45 Hunter..............................Aima Alchy - 99/50 Battle Alchemist
You were a former KFC employee, weren't you?
iRO Chaos Characters:
IdyotAko - 99/67 Lord Knight.............................Aima Lichu - 75/45 Sage
Aeag Sedah - 73/39 High Wizard................................Aima Taikdat - 81/50 Gank Rogue
Vendi Productus - 95/44 Forge Blacksmith.............Aima Bardu - 57/26 MS Bard
I_R_teh_1337!!! - 90/46 FS Priest.......................Aima Whupyah - 61/46 Battle Acolyte (Monk)
mAnUnUmPiT - 73/45 Hunter..............................Aima Alchy - 99/50 Battle Alchemist
DAMN THAT STORY WAS DEEP
Lol. Look at how my Sig changes every time you look at it!
IdyotAko said:You were a former KFC employee, weren't you?
LOL... I was a former Jolibee employee... it was wierd
IdyotAko said:i used to, just for me to earn money to purchase RO gametime.
Normal is synonymous to boring
Page: 1