Nightmare Zero 18 years 9 months ago wrote:

LET'S GET READY TO BE BORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRED!

All right! Pokémon! The bane of the beginning of the 21st century! While having a decent start on the Gameboy, Nintendo soon turned it into its primary meal ticket by giving it a truly horrible anime(THAT IS STILL FUCKING GOING ON, APPARENTLY), a shitty cardgame(OMFG YOU GOTS A CHARIZARD!?), and much much more shitty side crap! While the insanity it caused 7 or 8 years ago has died down a little, in terms of it being EVERYWHERE, Nintendo still produces plenty of Pokémon games. Now, the games still have a certain charm to them, even though they seem more and more ridiculous with each passing game. Thanks to the awesome Nintendo DS's massive internet capabilities, the two Pokémon games, Diamond and Pearl, allowed players to battle it out across the world, and trade hacked Pokeymans(Yes, usually the good ones are hacked).

Now, after Pokémon Red and Blue came out, Nintendo produced Pokémon Stadium for the N64, and it was a rather decent game. You could battle it out with your own after purchasing this device that hooked the Gameboy cartridge into the controllers and see your Pokémon in 3-D. You could also organize them, and play Stadium's various battle games. Pokémon Stadium 2 improved upon this by giving you more stuff and cleaner graphics, and it was compatible with Pokémon Gold, Silver, and Yellow, which allowed fans to see their Pikachu in 3-D and see it actually surf, and speak like in the anime while your ears continued to bleed!

With the Gameboy Advance's two new Pokémon games, Sapphire and Ruby, they attempted to do more with their next 3-D installment of Pokémon; by making it suck. On the Gamecube's Pokémon Colosseum, they added in some sort of adventure mode thing and attempted to make a "dark" story. Yes, they first gave you Yugi The Stampede and then made you some sort of Pokémon thief or something...I don't know how that went about as I never played the stupid game and never wanted to. This game, and its sequel, : Gale of Darkness(Note the "ecksdee" as an indication that someone out there must've been laughing in Nintendo's face about this game), were terrible as they moved further and further away from the fun aspect brought forth by the two Stadium games.

And so, as the Gamecube dies and the Wii is born, Nintendo attempts to walk back to those roots in Pokémon Battle Revolution, but, I'll be honest; they fail again.

Graphics
Not impressive. I know the Wii doesn't have the best graphics, but these could look much better. Almost every old Pokémon before Diamond and Pearl have the SAME movements and stances. The areas where you battle too are boring as well. Nothing really stands out. Oh, and don't get me started on how shitty your trainer looks and enemy trainers look. When you see them actually COSPLAY as Pokémon, then your urge to kill rises.

Gameplay
I see what they were trying to do with this game: make it like the Stadium games. How did they fail at it? Well, nothing is fun. You can't rent Pokémon like you did in those games, and, while they tried to be innovative with battling, like making a roulette game where you and your opponents Pokémon are chosen at random and you sometimes end up with their's, but this ultimately fails and just sucks the fun out of the game. Especially when they end up with your legendary ones and you end up with there shitty first evolution ones.

Aside from this, as I mentioned, they've gotten rid of the rental system, so having one or both of the DS Pokémon games is ESSENTIAL. If you were unlucky enough to have neither, then you get 6 random crappy Pokémon, and, instead of making your own trainer and altering your looks, you're stuck as some stupid looking 6 year old kid. What's the fun in that? Well, maybe Nintendo doesn't want you to have fun. Maybe they said "Hey, you know what? Fuck 'em! We're not going to let them have fun in this game!"

That being said, you have no real reason to play this even WITH one of the DS games. I mean, so you can play in 3-D? Big deal. You could already play online with the DS! And trade online too! So, this gives you nothing. You gain no prize. I think all you gain at the end is another Pokémon with some ability that you couldn't give it or something. And you get that when you deal with all of the battles it wants to put you through. Its just not fun. At all.

Story
There is no story. You show up, sit through about an hour of dialogue that you can't skip, create your character, battle other meaningless trainers, and that's about it.

Sound
Feh. Shitty boring music that is usually drowned out by a stupid boring announcer who repeats the same crap over and over again. Your characters don't talk, WHICH I'M GREATFUL FOR SINCE THEY'LL HAVE NOTHING GOOD TO SAY ANYWAY. Pokémon make their little sounds upon being brought to the field. Its sad though when that doesn't matter because 80% of them all sound alike.

Replay Value
If you have the patience to actually get through this game, nothing awaits you if you do it all over again. Seriously, go play something else if it ever comes to that.

Overall A.K.A. tl;dr
Pokémon Battle Revolution is a game that shouldn't exist. Its a terrible game with boring graphics, sound, gameplay, and everything. If you want to see your Pokémon in 3-D, then that should be the only reason you'd buy this, but I think it costs about $50, and its just not worth it. I don't think Pokémon fans should play this, or anyone else who doesn't like wasting money and time on bad games. I had some expectations for this game when I went to my friend's house to see it, and, merely playing it for about two hours, not only had it failed every single expecation I had for it, it gave me enough material to write this review with. He regrets buying it, as would anyone else. I don't even know who plays Pokémon these days either. I mean, the games were decent and all, but would you still be a Pokémon fan after playing this game?

...YES, THAT'S WHAT IT CAN DO TO YOU!

Thank you, Nintendo, for taking a colossal shit upon a game that could've been so much more.

This game gets a 1 out of 10.